Change is the only constant in our lives. When we let go of our assumptions and expectations, we can focus on playing the hand we’re dealt, says Paralympian and Deakin University psychology graduate Kate Naess.
For our Stories of Wonder podcast, we spoke to Kate (BAppSc (HealthSc) ‘08; MPsych (Ind&Org) ‘15) about how her experiences have taught her to see new possibilities in challenging times.
Content warning: this story contains discussion of lived experience with disability and grief. For support, visit deakin.edu.au/24hoursupport.
‘I was always given opportunity to try things, especially being born with a hand difference,’ Kate says.
Doctors told Kate’s parents that her life would be difficult. She would struggle with basic tasks such as tying her shoelaces and riding a bike.
‘When my parents got over that initial shock and grief, they realised that I actually hadn’t lost anything. I hadn’t lost a hand. I was perfectly whole as I was,’ Kate says.
‘They decided from that day on, “Kate will try and learn and do whatever she would like to. And if she doesn’t do it the way we assume is normal, then we’ll try and figure out another way for her to do it.”’
Disability isn’t a problem once you realise that every individual is different.
‘The world needs to facilitate people’s differences,’ Kate says.
An equestrian turned triathlete
People who knew Kate in school wouldn’t have expected her to become a Paralympian.
‘I hate to admit it, but I was the kid that used to wag sport and disappear,’ she says.
But she loved riding horses – though figuring out how she would hold the reins took some trial and error.
‘We did try to use my myoelectric hand for riding once,’ Kate recalls.
‘I fell off. And by the time my mum came over and realised, “Oh yep, she’s okay. No broken bones or anything,” we realised that I didn’t have the prosthetic on. We looked over and my horse was still running and my electric hand was bouncing along.’
Kate’s passion for horses propelled her toward the Paralympic Games. But when she narrowly missed out on making the Australian team for both the 2008 Beijing Paralympics and the 2012 London Paralympics, it seemed her dream was over.
Grieving the end of her career as an equestrian as well as the death of her mother, Kate joined a running group. To her surprise, she was ‘pretty good at the swim, bike and run business.’
‘The coach at that local triathlon club said, “So, what sort of racing do you want to do?” I said, “oh, I really want to try and get to Rio for the 2016 Paralympics,”’ Kate recalls.
‘He said, “That’s a bit far-fetched, isn’t it? Going from ‘Try a Tri’ to Rio.” And I said, “Right, game on.”’
What office workers can learn from athletes
The first step to doing anything is to believe that you can, as Kate knows intimately. She has long been interested in the power of the mind.
‘Perhaps that came through from the assumptions people made about what I could or couldn’t do,’ she says.
Kate completed a Bachelor of Applied Science, a Graduate Diploma of Applied Psychology and a Master of Industrial and Organisational Psychology at Deakin.
‘Deakin was a university that saw me more than just a student,’ she says, describing how the University gave her the flexibility to study anywhere and spread out her studies across several years when she needed to – whether because of her training or other life circumstances.
Her Masters studies in organisational psychology was the first time she studied on campus full-time.
‘Initially, I thought, “There is no way in the world I’m going to study organisational psychology. I do not want to be in a suit and I do not want to be in an office,’” Kate says. ‘But turns out it actually was where I needed to be.’
High-performance sport and the corporate workplace have more parallels than people might think.
‘If we think about an elite athlete and we think about someone in the corporate world, they’re fundamentally the same in how they operate in high-pressure, high-stakes environments,’ Kate says.
‘However, the difference is athletes are strategically trained in how to mentally and physically recover.’
In contrast, corporate environments tend to reward people who push and push and push until they burn out.
Drawing on her organisational psychology knowledge and experience as an athlete, Kate works with senior leaders to help corporate teams perform better, more sustainably.
A Paralympian’s career derailed
Less than two years after she began the sport, Kate finished fifth out of eleven competitors in the Rio 2016 Paralympics triathlon. And her star was rising.
‘I had the best race of my career in February 2020,’ she says.
Kate seemed likely to make the Australian team for the Tokyo 2020 Paralympics. She even had a shot at the podium. But when the Games were postponed due to COVID-19, Kate had to choose between what might be the greatest achievement of her sporting career and the second child she wanted to have.
It was an agonising decision – until Kate’s sport psychologist reminded her that life has no guarantees. Anything could still happen in the qualifiers or on the race day itself. And Kate had already achieved so much.
‘The race that I always wanted for me, the performance that I felt was the best I would ever be, I’d just had – it just happened to be that it wasn’t at Tokyo.’
Learning to accept change
Kate has repeatedly turned difficult moments in her life into new triumphs. How does she do it?
‘If something doesn’t go the way you may have thought it could or would, or the way you wanted, it doesn’t mean it’s the end,’ Kate says.
‘One door closes, a new one opens – it’s just about how willing you are to walk through that new door.’
Kate quotes the last lecture of US computer scientist Randy Pausch, who was dying of pancreatic cancer: ‘We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.’
It’s why her biography, published earlier this year, is titled The hand you’re dealt.
At its core, Kate’s book ‘is about learning to focus on what you do have, rather than wasting your life wishing for a different set of cards. It’s about mindset, identity, belonging, and the choices that shape who we become – especially in the moments that test us most.’
‘Life isn’t easy,’ Kate says. ‘It’s challenging, but it doesn’t mean we can’t grow and become what we want or do things we may want to do. We just might do them a bit differently.’
Want to know more about Kate’s story? Watch the full Stories of Wonder interview on YouTube, or listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.